Toronto, Canada – ESPN Sportscenter anchors reported today that several thousand Philadelphia fans hurled beer cans and debris onto the Rogers Centre field during the 7th inning of the Blue Jays and Rangers game Wednesday evening after the Rangers took a 3-2 league.
Scott Van Pelt, anchoring the 8 a.m. Sportscenter, said between “5,000 and 6,000 unruly Philadelphia fans” rained beer bottles onto the lower rim of the stadium in a despicable display that is so common of Philadelphia sports fans and never happens anywhere outside of Philadelphia.
“Perhaps the worst example came when an obvious Philadelphian hurled a beer can filled with batteries from the top deck, striking a newborn in the head. Only in Philadelphia, folks, just horrible,” Van Pelt said, sneering into the camera.
Several members of the Blue Jays pleaded with the Philadelphians sense of decency, but because this type of behavior only happens in the City of Brotherly Love and nowhere else in sports, the fans continued.
“I know our fans would never do such a thing. How all those Philadelphia fans actually got tickets to this game and decided to act out is beyond me. No Canadian would ever do such a thing,” Jose Bautista said at his post game press conference.
“But what do you expect from them? They booed Santa Claus, after all.”
At press time, Philadelphia fans were also blamed for the shooting after Sunday night’s Cowboys game, for the New York Mets fan beaten nearly to death after game 1 against the Dodges, and the attacks perpetrated on Sept. 11, 2001.