BREAKING NEWS: American Pharoah tests positive for performance enhancing oats

Disgraced Triple Crown champion American Pharoah.

Disgraced Triple Crown champion American Pharoah.

Elmont, NY – Just two hours after a jubilant win at the Belmont Stakes to become the first Triple Crown champion since 1978, American Pharoah was forced to step down from the victor’s circle after testing positive for performance enhancing oats and doped carrots.

Blood testing on the disgraced animal was conducted immediately after the race and he tested positive for a number of banned substances, including steroid laced oats and carrots infused with Tetrahydrogestrinone, also known as “THG” or “The Clear.”

“He’s a bad horse. A very bad horse,” said Bob Baffert, trainer for American Pharoah.

Video also was released by the media mere minutes ago, which seems to show a shady looking horse delivering the banned substances to American Pharoah’s stall. In one moment of the video, Pharoah was shown stomping the ground twice, indicating “yes,” when asked if he would deliver 5 bales of premium alfalfa to the drug dealing animal for the substances.

As of press time American Pharoah was being transported to the nearest glue factory and awaiting trial.

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