Ladies and gentlemen of New Jersey, start your sports gambling!

Oh hell yes. I knew there was a reason I decided to live in this stink state for all these years. On the same morning I had to waste an hour of my life at a municipal court for a clerical error that said I had an outstanding parking ticket dating back to 2013, those delightful bastards in the SCOTUS ruled in favor of New Jersey and declared the prohibition of sports betting in states is unconstitutional.

You know what this means? IT’S TIME TO LOSE MONEY BETTING ON SPORTS I THINK I KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT BUT REALLY KNOW NEXT TO NOTHING!

And it does not look like you’ll have to wait a long time to dig deep into your gambling addictions, New Jersey residents. Monmouth Park racetrack already spent $1 million in building a sportsbook and the Borgata started construction on their own $7 million sportsbook this past November in preparation of a positive ruling.

Fuck and yes. Finally, I don’t have to fly out to Las Vegas in March to lose hundreds of dollars betting on March Madness when I can do so in the comfort of my own state and the luxurious confines of Atlantic City.

Just call me Atlantic City Al, because I’ll be throwing down $10 parlays left and right. Really racking in the big bucks.

The clear winners in all of this? The states, who will be able to tax the ever loving shit of sports betting and bring in a new stream of revenue from the suckers like me who actually think they’ll be able to make a few bucks on gambling.

The second winner? Therapists who specialize in treating gambling addiction. Today is your Christmas, please enjoy.

The third winner? Those of us who can’t get enough of those WACKY dangers of gambling commercials Pennsylvania put out years ago when casinos started to spring up in Philadelphia.

“No no no, I don’t have a gambling problem, okay? I have a money problem.”

What a scream! And the one where the guy plays blackjack all day and misses his kids birthday party? A laugh riot! If we can get some more of those that would be great, please and thank you.

Enjoy losing money, fans of sports gambling in New Jersey, it’s been a long time coming.

Want to spend money on something that isn’t a gamble? Click the Phillies banners below to buy some awesome Fanatics Phillies merchandise.

Shop Philadelphia  Phillies gear at Fanatics.com!

Shop Philadelphia  Phillies gear at Fanatics.com!

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