Breaking News: Chip Kelly requires four gym credits before becoming a starter

092313-kelly-chip-eagles-600Philadelphia, PA – Chip Kelly continues to be connected to the college football game, as several ex-Eagles are now claiming he requires all starters to complete at least four credits of gym before taking the field as a starter for the Eagles.

Former guard Evan Mathis said Kelly personally administered a swimming test before he was allowed to start for the squad two seasons ago.

“He said I was shy four credits and the only way I could get on the field as an Eagle would be if I could swim five complete laps and tread water for three minutes,” Mathis said, now a member of the Denver Broncos. “He personally escorted me to the pool for my test and badgered me about how my junior year was going so far. I was 31.”

Mathis reportedly passed the test with flying colors, but was deducted points for “hot dogging it” when he performed a can-opener off of the diving board for the final leg of his exam.

Kelly did little to deny the rumor and said gym classes help young men blossom into the adults they will eventually grow into.

“Hey look, it may seem old fashioned, but some of these young men will make lasting friendships during their weight lifting classes or bowling instruction,” he said. “It makes well rounded athletes. If you don’t think learning how to make a backhanded return in tennis is intricate for football and in life, you’re kidding yourself mister.”

As of press time, Kelly was demonstrating proper putting form to a bewildered DeMeco Ryans.

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