Jerry Seinfeld checks in with the Toboggan every now and again to provide a hot take about Philadelphia sports, the way only a neurotic Jewish comedian can. For best results, please read the following in a stereotypical Jerry Seinfeld 90s voice.
What’s the deal with Oregon quarterback Marcus Mariota?! He runs, he passes, he runs, he passes, make up your mind already and stick with it! And who know what the Eagles will do, will they give up their future and trade for him, or will they come out looking worse than I did wearing the Puffy Shirt on the Bryant Gumbel show?! But I don’t want to be a pirate!
Give it up Philadelphia, you’re not getting him! Why would a team trade their top five pick to the Eagles?! You don’t want Foles, you don’t want the 20th overall pick, it just doesn’t make sense! It’s like Elaine trying to flip a gay guy to our team, it just won’t work! The Eagles just don’t have enough access to the equipment!
It’s like back in ’95 when we wanted to trade Kenny Bania to Friends for that Joey kid, Matthew Leblanc. Larry was really hot on him, really thought he had the goods. We offered them Bania, access to Monk’s Coffee Shop for a special crossover shoot, and 10 minutes in a trailer for Matthew Perry and all of the cocaine he could handle, no questions asked. They mulled it over, but they didn’t want to let him go because the creator of Friends had a 10% stake in Matt LeBlanc’s upcoming movie “Ed.” It was him and a chimp who could play baseball, and frankly, most of us thought the chimp was a better actor except for Larry.
I convinced Larry to pull the offer off the table when I told him LeBlanc was an anti-semite after he overcooked Larry’s hamburger at the NBC summer luncheon. You don’t just overcook a hamburger Larry, it doesn’t just happen!
What’s the deal!?